You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize