Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
