I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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