This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize