You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
