This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
