make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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