The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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