I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
