That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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