you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I had to cum in my sink.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
