atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
