It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
