Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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