That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
