New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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