thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Hippo gnu deer
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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