Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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