What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You peed on a flamingo?!?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
