No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
