Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
