Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
