I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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