I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
