im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
