Non-Jews are for practice
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
