sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
