I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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