We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
