grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
