Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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