You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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