I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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