Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
