come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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