One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
