I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
