so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
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