we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
