He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
