I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
