The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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