What tipped you off? The sombrero?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My dad just said "fuck circus"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
