And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
