my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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