Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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