Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
