If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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