I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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