Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
