I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
