just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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