party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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