6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
