bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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