I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
