There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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