i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
