well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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