'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
