Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
