Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The adults are the big ones right?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
