What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
