I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he thought i was a dude.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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