These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My life is pants optional.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
