just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
bring money and cleavage
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
