i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
