Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Michael Bay diarrhea
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
