i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
