ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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