I seem to have left my pride at pride
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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