Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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