I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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