then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
