Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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