When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
