im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
