youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
