did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
