Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
